Ghost of a Soul (Part Four of Four)

Charles Manson

The integration of mind, body, and soul is the business of growing up human. Our notions of right and wrong become established as our conscience develops in childhood. The Golden Rule of  "Do unto others - as you would have done unto you" travels well across many religions and cultures around the globe. This may be the guiding principle that grounds us to society and binds us to other people.

Dr. Martha Stout, Ph D, a clinical psychologist and faculty member in the department of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, has convincing data to support her belief that ninety-six percent of the population has a conscience and some attachment to other humans. Fully four percent of the population are not inhibited or encumbered by conscience and suffer from attachment disorder - the inability to relate to people in meaningful and lasting ways. These people go through the motions of life without fully participating in it. It is as if they are absent from their own lives.

Their emptiness gnaws away at them from the inside. Unexposed, it is fed by a need to dominate and control others to meet their egocentric ends. Life becomes a power play where "winning" means everything. Dr. Stout makes the keen observation that "If all you had ever felt toward another person were the cold wish to 'win,' how would you understand the meaning of love, of friendship, of caring?"

Ted Bundy

Sociopaths are preoccupied with themselves. Their narcissism is compounded by their lack of feeling for other people. Their social detachment can range from callous indifference to protracted dehumanization. They may play on our pity when the occasion calls for it, but their game is not getting our sympathy, it is drawing us into their web of influence to accomplish their own ends. 

Being master manipulators, when they have their prey in their clutches, the demon in them is aroused and all Hell breaks loose where they play out their God or Satan fantasies of omnipotence.
 
Dr. Stout's book, the sociopath next door (sic), suggests ways people - young women in particular - should deal with the sociopathic personality. I have adapted them below to reduce her list of thirteen to ten.

1. Accept that some people literally have no conscience. It's not your fault!
2. Don't let preconceived notions of people's roles (doctors, teachers, clergy, policemen, family, etc) interfere with your instincts. Listen to your inner voice. If something doesn't seem right or feel right about a person, don't ignore it.
3. A series of broken promises, neglected responsibilities, or misunderstandings are warning signs. Strike three and you're out!
4. Question authority! (related to #1) Blind obedience is dangerous. Dr. Stanley Milgram from Yale University conducted the famous "Authority Compliance" study in 1961-1962. He discovered that "at least six out of ten people will blindly obey to the bitter end an official looking authority in their midst." In this case, a "researcher" in a white lab coat clutching a clipboard.
5. Suspect over-exaggerated flattery or concern for others called "counterfeit charm." It often signals an "intent to manipulate."
6. Don't play their game. Avoid contact or communication with them and document everything.
7. Question their appeals for pity, and curtail your need to be polite or to speak with everyone. 
8. Don't try to save them. Their behavior is not your fault, unless you enable them.
9. Never be a party to a sociopath's deceptions or help him/her conceal their true nature. If you do, from that moment on, you are ensnared in their web.
10. Defend your personhood and your mental health. People who seek to diminish you have an infinite capacity to inflict harm and damage at your expense. Get some help!

John Wayne Gacy

Sociopathic Charm (Part Three of Four)

People labeled as sociopaths are often superficially described as charming. Even after their outrages have been discovered, many people seem dumbstruck, despite the evidence. It is part of the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde nature of their personality disorder that enables them to deceive other people so easily. They are natural actors because deception and manipulation are second nature to them.

Sociopaths are people with an uncanny ability to access weakness and vulnerability. They know us better than we know them. They read and study their victims - this is their great advantage. Their propensity to exploit our weaknesses is their hidden skill; once they target their prey, their victims are compromised and defenseless. People who recognize or see through a predator's deceptions are assiduously avoided. Discovery is the last thing a sociopath wants.

But that speaks to them. What about us? Why do so many of us seem vulnerable? As with many things in life, there is no easy answer.  One explanation may be that most people have a mild affinity for danger and a hunger for excitement to punctuate their otherwise mundane lives.

Most people enjoy "controlled" risks. We love cheap thrills we can get an emotional rush from and then return to the safety of our homes. Vicarious experiences from action and thriller fantasies on the silver screen, to riding the latest and greatest amusement park attractions, fill this void for many of us. Still, others prefer creating murder and mayhem in the guise of video games in the privacy of their own homes, or living vicariously through the exploits of their sport heroes.

American pop culture presents a high octane lifestyle of the rich and famous, often fueled by drugs, alcohol, and conspicuous wealth, that creates an unrealistic expectation for success which most Americans can never achieve. We idolize famous actors, successful athletes, and people with money. We long for our own sense of celebrity. Anything to quell the incipient boredom of our conventional lives. We hunger for excitement, so most of us are willing to take the occasional risk.

Part of our American folklore informs us that dangerous people are charismatic. Going for the "bad boy" seems like a coming of age ritual for many young women in our culture - the proverbial moth attracted to the flame. How many intelligent women get into relationships with men who aren't as smart as they are because the man may be perceived as exciting, sexy, or notorious? The answer is "Too many!"

Often, these guys undermine other people's faith in themselves with a technique called "gaslighting," a term derived from the movie Gaslight with Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer - a husband tries to make his wife go insane by manipulating her self-doubt. It has since become a term used in clinical psychology. When someone or something doesn't feel right to you - go with your instincts - don't ignore warning signs.

Another thing that makes people vulnerable is that we are irrationally influenced by a person's appearance, especially people in positions of authority and in uniform. Our conventional wisdom insists that "You can't judge a book by its cover," but we do this routinely.

Sociopaths make full use of social and professional roles which provide a "ready made mask." Most people seldom look behind the mask, and they readily accept the superficial trappings of success. Women need to be more discerning in their personal lives and take off their blinders. Don't be an enabler and a party to your own emotional and physical destruction. Passivity is what sociopaths thrive on.

The Two Faces of Evil - Identifying Sociopaths (Part Two of Four)

Broadly defined, a sociopath is a person without conscience - a person who does not experience guilt like most people. Sociopathy is a "non-correctable disfigurement of a person's character." In its extreme manifestation - it leads to psychopathic behavior, the subtext of my next book The Rainy Day Murders.

In my last post, I cited a statistic from Martha Stout's fascinating study, the sociopath next door (sic). She convincingly states that one in twenty-five people are sociopaths - that equates to four percent. Of that segment of the population, roughly twenty percent are behind bars. What of the other eighty percent? Where do they hide?

The answer is chilling - at home, at work, and at large! The successful achievers of this group might go into high finance, high government office, the board rooms of corporate America, and of course, the military. These are high-octane professions where conscience is not a part of the collective dialogue - failure is not an option - their game is not culpability - it is winning at all costs.

Most garden variety sociopaths do not play out their schemes on so vast a stage. At work, they harass and intimidate their co-workers with mean spirited mind games - people in positions of petty authority are known for this. At home, they extract their pound of flesh behind closed doors - usually secure in the knowledge that the fear and shame of their victims will insure their family secrets. Many sociopaths are known for their ability to charm and deceive people. How do we recognize these predators before they do us serious harm?

Here are ten traits to look for. If three or more seem to apply, watch yourself:

• Sociopaths are narcissists who know the words but not the music of life.
• Something is missing from their "genetic marbling." They suffer from attachment disorder.
• They are easily bored and need continual external stimulation.
• They are not comfortable in their own skin.
• They are absolutely self-involved and high-strung.
• They tend toward hypochondria and "pity plays."
• They are not team players.
• They show unremitting self-interest.
• They use and abuse people with impunity.
• They are manipulators.

Other than that, they look just like the rest of us. Why are sociopaths and psychopaths so often described as charming? Look for the answer in my next post. It may surprise you.